Emotional!!

I am an emotional basketcase today. The last month has been emotional for me in so many ways. Walking alongside so many hurting people. Asking God "why" about a lot things that are going on around me. It is so hard to see so much pain in so many peoples' lives.

To top it all off, today at church just continued that spiral of emotions. This month marks the third year of the partnership that Vanguard Church has with Children's Hopechest in Swaziland, Africa. 3 years ago we began sponsoring the Bhalekane carepoint. At the time our sponsorship began the children at this location were receiving approximately 3 meals a week. In the last 3 years we have fed the children at our carepoint over 250,000 meals. God is so good, and He has used the people of Vanguard Church to change the lives of these children. They are now healthy, clothed, receiving an education, and being taught about Jesus. I know that one person can make a difference, but imagine the impact that these 200 children can have in their country some day. They are beating the statistics by growing up!

The older children at our carepoint getting backpacks as a bday gift!!

The 2 children that our family sponsors - Sizwe and Bongiwe.

I have had the opportunity to spend time with these two kids. I absolutely love them. I cherish every minute I have had to play with them on my trips to Swaziland. They have a special place in my heart.

So why am I so emotional? Because today I was reminded once again of the burden that God put on my heart for Africa 4 years ago. It was in March '06 while Rick was on a trip to Norway that God messed up my pretty little picture of life. He wrecked me with the realization of what the women and children of Africa were experiencing. He gave me sleepless nights and a restless spirit. He called our family to something new, and we have never been the same.

How could I have known then that at that very time, God was knitting together in an African mother's womb the body of our little Isaiah. Right at the time that God put Africa on my heart, Isaiah was being conceived. God had a plan for our family far beyond our imaginations. He knew about it, but we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. He probably knew better than to reveal all of that to me at once. I don't think I could have handled it, then.

Meeting Isaiah

In Africa with Laila

Today I watched a video at church that broke my heart. It was of an African mom suffering with TB and AIDS. She shared about her pain. She spoke of the toll her illnesses are taking on her body. It broke me. I mean it really broke me. You see, as I looked at that woman, I saw Isaiah and Laila's mom, a woman who suffered with AIDS and TB. She literally gave up her life in order to give birth to Laila. I sobbed. I was so affected by seeing this woman and imagining what their mom was like. I feel privileged to be their mom, but they will grieve losing their birth mom at some point no matter how good a mom I am. I realize that. I pray for the grace to walk with them through that. I pray that God will use the beautiful story of how He brought them to our family as a comfort of His wonderful plan for their lives despite their loss.

Many look at our family and think we have accomplished God's calling. I say, "NO WAY!! We have only just begun to fulfill that calling." Today reminded me and rebirthed in me the desire to the ministry that we have in Swaziland. Our work has only just begun. I am broken for these people. It is personal now that Isaiah and Laila are with us. They represent all of the children that still need a family. They represent all of the children that have lost their parents. How can I ever look into their eyes and not see all the work that is left to do?

I feel like God wants to do something big. I don't know what it is, but it reminds me of the year that God birthed Africa in my heart. It is hard to seek His will. It is hard not to know. So, I wait for Him to take all of the pieces of this puzzle and create a beautiful picture of His will for my life and weave it with the lives of the Swazi people.