Day 7 - Rick in Africa

I am eating a pink lemonade sucker as I type this. Yes, the sugar extravaganza continues. If sugar really is "white death" like some of my friends call it, then I may not live until Rick returns from Africa at the rate I am going. And yes, I will have some French Silk Pie Blizzard again tonight once I put the kids to bed. :)

If I haven't mentioned it, this is the longest I have had the 6 kids by myself. It also doesn't help that Rick was gone to Dallas a week before he left for Africa, so I am running on empty at this point.

I am learning some things about myself as a person and a mom.

1. Taking care of 6 kids is exhausting. At about 4:00 each day, I hit a huge wall. I have even been going to bed before 10:00 the last few nights, and I still wake up screaming, "NOOOO" every morning when the alarm goes off. This is not a new revelation to me, it just feels so much more magnified since Rick is gone. There are no breaks. I constantly have someone talking to me and asking me for things. I just need 5 minutes of quiet, or I might just go crazy!!!

2. I have figured out why I don't like to eat with my kids. I can't get one bite in my mouth before someone needs something. I have never been the kind of mom that sits down to eat lunch with her kids. I am the kind that feeds them, and when they are done, I eat by myself.

3. Keeping busy is good for me while Rick is gone. By day 7, though, I feel a bit weary and just want to relax. I need to find a good balance between staying busy to pass the time and overdoing it to the point of exhaustion.

4. I have trouble reading while Rick is gone. I know this one sounds silly, but I find myself spending lots of time on the computer or watching TV while he is gone. Both of those things are relaxing to me. Even though I enjoy reading, it feels like too much work when he is gone.

5. My kids don't realize that I have feelings, too. I finally had a discussion with a couple of the older kids today. I shared with them how their words of disrespect hurt me. I even told them that their words have made me cry at times this week. They had no idea. I appreciated that they listened and seemed to care that they hurt me.

I am currently counting down the minutes until I can put the kids to bed, and it is only 4:45. I have most of the night planned so it should go smoothly. We went to a bday party earlier today. It was really crazy with lots of people . While there, Isaiah peed his pants(something he hasn't done in 3 weeks), hit children 2 times, and bit someone. It was lovely. The party ran over into nap time which did not help. This little boy is sooooo strong willed. Some days I just don't know if I have it in me to be all that he needs from me. He literally tests EVERY boundary I give him, even simple things that he would enjoy. He wants to do everything his way. I know I am tired and that makes everything harder, but I want to have a good day with him where I don' t have to deal with discipline all day long. I love blessing and doing special things for my kids, but it feels like he sabotages every good thing I do for him.

Okay, enough ranting. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....