Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Heart Surgery

This has been an interesting year for me.

We have seen a lot of people in our church deal with some major life situations. Walking alongside them has been painful.

I have shared before that I feel really unsettled this year. It has been hard to know what God is doing.

I have been battling some issues of my own as well.

I struggle with things like perfectionism, comparing myself, and seeking the approval of others.

These are all thought processes that are so ingrained in me. They have become a part of who I am.

After 38 years, I have decided I am not really cool with that and want to experience some freedom in these areas.

One way that I have begun working towards that freedom is by letting go of some ministry opportunities that I am good at, and really enjoy, but that have taken me away from my calling as a mom and wife.

I am learning to say "no" and be okay with it upsetting some people or even causing them to question my commitments.

I am seeking to serve my family more. My kids need A LOT from me right now. I feel I have failed them in some ways by choosing ministry over them.

I am working through the thoughts and voices that I listen to on a daily basis and really trying to examine them in a new way . Why do I believe the lies? Why do I allow them to control me?

It feels at times like heart surgery. Some times I find myself resisting and thinking that the old way is just easier.

But, when I really take the time to allow the surgery that God wants to do in my heart, I come out on the other side feeling a little more free, a little less burdened.

I have had some really low points in this process, but it is those low points that really lead me to God, and for that I am thankful.

I have experienced a few victories over the last couple of weeks. It helps me see that I can be a new person on the other side. I will be better for it, my kids will be better for it, and my marriage will be better for it.

I feel a little broken and needy right now. Heart surgery will do that to you, I guess.

It is the healing and new growth that I desire and seek. It is for those results that I will endure the surgery and the pain and the healing process.

I have been given a glimpse of what that freedom feels like, and I don't ever want to go back.


8 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this Laura! I worked as a life coach for several years at a personal growth company and was witness to so many breakthru's and lives being transformed. You are a wonderful writer and I love your vulnerability in sharing where you are at in this life and what you want to create! Powerful stuff - keep it up! You are inspiring many by your willingness to embrace this life and not settle for anything less than spectacular! And YAY FOR "NO"!!!!! It's a great word to use! WOO HOO!

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  2. Good for you Laura. Sometimes it's very hard to say now, and to step back, and I'm proud of you for taking a stand for yourself and for your family. I'm trying to do the same thing, but haven't gotten as far as you have yet! Beth

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  3. Laura, it is just wonderful how you are listening and obeying God right now. Blessings to you as you walk into this next season of life! God has amazing things and I think sometimes the only way we can hear and see what He has for us next is to cut back and make ourselves more still so we can hear Him. I am so glad for you Laura, that in your brokenness God is bringing new life. Because of your love and faithfulness to your own family, many in the world will be reached for His glory! Isn't that amazing to think of, that God will use our little disciples to bring wholeness to the world. I think I have shared with you before, that I have been going through some of these same things you blogged about. I recently resigned from a few of my committments and have really narrowed the "ministry" I am involved in next year. I still volunteer at the schools my kids attend, but have also really cut back on that too. I just don't want my family getting my left-overs anymore. It feels so freeing for the first time in my life to know I am doing what God wants for me and my family. I am really trying to live to an audience of one, the Lover of my Soul, and to make decisions that are best for my marriage and my own kids. My oldest is in highschool next year and it is really hitting me that I have 4 years left with him at home and I want to give my whole self to being a stay-at-home mom and just maybe our being faithful to our kids can help them to be more whole. Their wholeness can hopefully be used by God to minister to a very broken world. Praising God Laura, for this mighty work He is doing in your life and my life right now. Let's keep being faithful to what He is calling us to in this season of life.

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  4. Wow, Laura. This is great stuff. I have experienced the same kind of heart surgery just in different areas. I am thankful for a God that keeps pursuing me and will not stop until I become all that He has made me to be. We go through different phases of life and we alone answer to God. Sometimes are friends and coworkers do not understand. I am very proud of you. This was an amazing post.

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  5. What you write encourages me and a lot of the time I can relate to what you're going through even though our lives are so vastly different. I love it when you post and I, too, appreciate your vulnerability.

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  6. Laura, it's interesting that you posted this right now. Especially after coming back from Swazi, I've been planning on cutting back on my ministry commitments so I can actually build relationships instead of not following through with people.
    Thanks so much for sharing your journey, it really blessed me. I don't question your commitment. You are committed to your most important ministry - your children. Bless you.

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  7. This is so similar to what I'm going through right now. Your blog is very encouraging to me!

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