Out of Nowhere?!?!

Grief is a weird thing.

It ambushes you when you least expect it.

How do you deal with it when everyone around you has no clue that it has hit? Heck, you don't even expect it, how can you expect others to?

That is how I have felt this week.

Grieving and not even sure the fullness of it all.

I can pinpoint one thing that excites me, but also has brought that unexpected grief to my heart.

We have friends that returned this week with their newly adopted little guy.

He is tiny. I mean tiny like Sam was. That sure does bring back memories.

It also saddens me because every time I see him, I am reminded that I have no idea what Isaiah and Laila looked like as babies.

I feel a little cheated for Isaiah and Laila, our family, and me.

I don't mean this at all to take away from my excitement for our friends. I rejoice greatly that they have their son and that they met him when he was only days old. They have had their own share of grief in the adoption process that I have not had to deal with.

It doesn't change the emotions that flood my heart out of nowhere.

I am sure this grief is a good thing. I am sure it helps keep me aware of some of the pain that Isaiah and Laila will feel as they get older and have realized more fully the losses they have experienced.

I think this is the burden as an adoptive mom that we carry for our kids. It is an important role. I don't really even think I fully grasp the importance of it yet.

I pray that God will use it in the lives of my babies. I pray that He will show me their hearts as they grow older and deal with the struggles of the losses in their lives.