The Big 3!!!!

We have all been looking forward to Isaiah's Birthday!! Even though he is 3, we are pretty sure this is his first celebration. He has had the opportunity to experience the birthdays of some friends and 5 of his family members. He pretty much knew what was coming. I was surprised at some of the emotions that I experienced as a result of this special day.

First I should backtrack. When I look back at the time that God began laying Africa on my heart, I had no idea that it would some day mean 2 children joining our family. Not only that, but when we look at Isaiah's birthdate, I am amazed to realize that at that very time that God was placing Africa on my heart is when our little guy was conceived. Wow! I am floored by that. I can look back on my calendar at the day that Isaiah was born, December 18, 2006. It is crazy to me that I went through that day not realizing the life changing event that was occurring on the other side of the world. My son was born, and I had no idea.

The night before Isaiah's bday, I was really sad.

-I was sad for him. Sad that he has experienced the loss of his mother at such a young age. He was with her for 18 months of his life. That is how old Laila is right now. She has only been with us for half of her life and she is so attached to me. I can't imagine how it would affect her if I was gone from her life. How did he feel? There is no way he could really understand other than to realize that the most important person in his life was gone and never came back.

-I was also sad for his mom. Sad that she is not getting to experience life with this amazing little guy that was created within her body. It is my hope that they will be reunited some day in heaven.

-I was also sad for myself. I missed out on over 2 years of my son's life. I hate that I will never know what he was like as a baby. I will never have the privilege of seeing those first steps and hearing those first words. The youngest picture I will ever have of him is as a 2 year old, barefoot, with a bloated belly and fearful look on his face. It is painful for me to think about it. We have every reason to believe that he was loved and cared for as best as is possible in a poverty situation. Even with that love and care, how many times did he go to bed without food? What have his little eyes witnessed that he may never fully be able to articulate, but that impacts him deeply every day? I pray every day for God to give me the wisdom and insight as his mom in how I raise him.

I don't want to sound like a total downer. Mixed in with this sadness was great joy. Joy that we can finally celebrate Isaiah's bday with him. Joy that God has brought him to our family. Joy that we have the rest of his life to get to know him, love him, and create a new story for his life. Joy that God has given us the privilege to be his family.

Here is what our day was like:

We started by greeting him with streamers hanging down from his bedroom door. He loved running back and forth through them.

His favorite breakfast of oatmeal and a banana

We took him to Lil' Biggs to celebrate. They have games to earn tickets for prizes, a little town to play in, a bounce house, a huge sandbox, and food. He LOVED this place!!

He headed straight for the sandbox when we got there

Cody spent most of his time playing basketball

In the bounce house, going down the slide

Laila's favorite thing: pushing the shopping cart

Eating lunch

Table #2 - We can't all fit at one table

One of his gifts, an airplane set from Papa and Grammy

He also got a little race car set, and a gift card from Grandma

Sam made him a picture. Love this picture!!

Abby made him a card with M&M's attached

Lauren gave him sunglasses, 3 candy canes(for 3 years old) and a light up sucker

Cody used tickets that he earned to get Isaiah a green ball

He really was happy even if he doesn't look like it!!

Isaiah with the Bday chair cover, a Clapp family tradition

He talked all week leading up to his bday about cake. The kid doesn't even like cake, but where he was born, cake is a big part of a bday. So much so that most children when given the choice will choose cake over a gift. So, we made ice cream cone cupcakes. He chose chocolate. We put suckers in it because they are his favorite candy. He ate about 2 bites of it and decided he was done. We also had ice cream!

It really was a great day!! I was so nervous about making it perfect. I just wanted it to be the most special day for him. I believe it was. In the midst of all of the joy, we were reminded again of the bittersweetness of his little life. As it was time for bed, he broke down crying and did not want to leave his toys. He was so sad. We realized that at the orphanage, that is the way it went. Even if someone brought you a gift, at the end of the day, it went with the other toys and it was no longer yours, but everyone's toy. He was afraid that when he woke up, his toys would be gone or not his anymore. It is sad that he has to feel this way. Even in that moment, I am reminded that we have the opportunity to show him it is not that way anymore. He can experience life differently, and it is my hope that each time he does, he will trust us more.