God of the Redeemed

I took the fam to church today. It was an emotional service for me for many reasons.

I am still processing my conversations with Isaiah. Your words of encouragement and affirmation are truly ministering to my soul. I believe God is using you to hold up my arms in this battle for Isaiah's heart.

The more I think about it, the more I think that he is testing me with his behavior. Will I really love him no matter what? Is there anything he can do that will make me change my mind about having him in our family? Wow! That really brings out the need for me to discipline him with unconditional love. Not that I don't always strive for that, but the stakes feel higher right now. We have had a rough few weeks behaviorally, and I believe the last couple of days have been the culmination of it all.

I am still holding out hope that he is going to start obeying on Monday, like he said! : )

As I sat in the service at church, we started singing this song:

God of the Redeemed (Bethel Live)

We belong to You, Father
Love has come and we're orphans no longer
Brought into Your light and freedom
By the blood and mercy of Jesus

It's rising it's rising
A song of hope from us set free
It's rising, it's rising, it's rising up

Hallelujah to You God of the redeemed
Hallelujah You've opened blinded eyes to see
And we will praise You
You are the everlasting light
Hallelujah to You God of the redeemed

We belong to You Father
We're living for Your glory and honor
Here on earth just as in heaven
We usher in the reign of Your kingdom

As I sang that first verse, my eyes were opened. I was an orphan, too. How many times do I question God's love for me? How many times do I feel like something I do or don't do is going to change my status as His child. I understand how Isaiah feels. I am not accepting my place as God's adopted child. I am constantly questioning that.

It breaks my heart when Isaiah questions my love for him. How much more does it break my Father's heart when I doubt his unconditional love for me!! I see it with new eyes and now my relationship with God needs to accept His love and not continue to constantly question it, just like I want Isaiah to do with my love that I freely give him.

I have been reading a book entitled, "From Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship" by Jack Frost. I am only a few chapters in, but I resonate with the concept of an "orphan's heart" that the author presents. I am a child of God, but I am still functioning as though I am an orphan.

I have to believe that part of this struggle in me is so that I can help my own child through his struggle. I am able to have way more compassion for him when I can grasp the magnitude and depth of his feelings.

This is a journey that God has both of us on. I pray that my healing in this area will bring about the ability for me to walk with him and bring healing into his little heart. This is only the beginning. All the while, I have a little girl that may some day wrestle with these very same emotions as well. I am thankful that God opened my eyes to this today. I look forward to how He is going to use this in our family!!