My Little Piece of Love

That is what I like to call Laila. She is such a little lover. She has been since the second day I visited her. The first day, she just stared at me, examining me as though to figure out the significance of who I was. The second day, she nestled right into my chest and fell asleep. One of those top moments of my life, right up there with the birth of my four older kids.

She has continued to be cuddly and snuggly with me. I am learning new things about her every day. First, she is an introvert. She is good with people in small settings, but very overwhelmed in large groups. We can go to someone's house just to see them, and she is fine to walk around and play. But, if we go to that same house to an event with lots of people then she only wants me. She doesn't want to mingle or interact or be on her own for even one second.

She is getting older, and I just can't believe it. She will be two in only 3 weeks! She is learning to communicate more and more each day. Today, she came up to me and said, "Mommy, I hungry." I was really astonished that she could communicate that to me at such a young age. It was right about dinner time. She knew what she was feeling.

One of my favorite shirts of Laila's right now!!

(It was in some hand-me-downs given to her. Thanks, Brandi)

In case you can't read it, it says,"I get my good looks from my Mom"

I just crack up every time I see her in it.

This is her "trying" to smile for me.

Laila has a very sensitive spirit. I worry for her and the pain she will experience as she processes her biological mother's death. We have had a few moments lately that have seemed to involve more than just toddler pain. Who knows if they are just her approaching 2 years old or if there is a deeper pain in her heart.(That really is the way it always seems with my adopted children. I am always questioning their tears.)

One day, she was so angry. More angry than the circumstances really warranted. I took her up to her room. I looked her straight in the eye and told her how sorry I was for the loss of her mother. I told her that she is safe with us. I told her how much I love her and will care for her and protect her. She just looked at me intently as I spoke. She seemed to understand me. By the time I finished talking, we were both crying. Then she just melted into my arms. She went from being violently angry to peaceful and relaxed. I put her in her bed and she went straight to sleep. It was a profound moment.

Today, we had another moment that just made me so sad. We have started going to the Y. So far, she has done great. She goes in to her class, does well, and is always smiling when I pick her up. When I came out of my class, there was a woman that said, "Are you Laila's mom?" I said, "Is everything okay?" Her response was, "Well, Laila is not screaming or throwing a fit for you, but she is just sitting in the same spot with little tears coming down her face. If we try to include her, she just goes back to that spot and silently cries." Can I just tell you how heartbroken I felt at that moment. It was so sad. I went in to get her, and there she was just sitting there with a toy oven mitt on her hand and tears on her face. I scooped her up and hugged her. I talked to her and gave her a binky.

She just seemed so sad today. Maybe she was just tired. Maybe she was just having a bad day. We all do. Or, maybe she was really sad. Maybe she doesn't even know why she is sad. All I know is that every time something like this happens, I wonder. I wonder what she needs from me. I question my parenting, and I desperately ask God to give me the insight and wisdom to be the mom she needs me to be.