Truly Challenging

This week has been beyond challenging for me.

Rick was out of town from Sat. - Tues.

While he was gone, so much happened. It really was unbelievable.

You see, I am a people person, but I am also task oriented. I wouldn't say I have a good balance of the two. I would say that I vacillate between the extremes of the two. When I want to do the people thing, I do it with reckless abandon. That usually results in me becoming very frustrated with the tasks that are left undone. Then I swing to the opposite extreme and become the taskmaster that no one(not even me) wants to be around.

I am really working on the the extremeness of who I am right now and trying to find more balance in my life. This week, and the challenges that I have faced, have not been helpful to me in my efforts to become balanced.

My week started on Monday by being totally turned upside down.

I can't even share it all at this point, but it started with a project at my house that has required my undivided attention for 3 straight days and is still not complete. At this moment, I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of it.

When I am consumed by a project(that demands, and in this case, I really do mean demands my attention) every other area suffers.

In addition to this project, I have had to deal with a child with strep and all that that involves(dr. visit, home from school, needing extra attention, dealing with a pharmacy that is in no hurry, etc.). Poor little Sam has not been well. I have not been able to really cuddle him and love him like he needs during this time.

Abby's headaches have come back with a vengeance. I am saddened to see her hurt so much and feel so helpless to do anything about it after exhausting almost every option we can think of.

Isaiah and Laila have tested me beyond belief this week. Laila continues to take off her diapers during nap time. On Tuesday, this resulted in a an all out poop fest in their room. They had a blast, but their room was covered in poop. It was in the carpet, all over their bedding, all over them, ground into toys, on the walls, on the dresser, stuck in the fan, on the door knob, etc. You get the picture. It took me over 2 hours to clean it, and I am not convinced I got it all. I still smell poop every time I walk in there!! In addition to the poop fest, they have really turned a corner in their strong-willed behavior. They are both stubborn. They are both opinionated. They are both determined. (On a side note, I do realize that all of these qualities will be very good for them as they are older if they choose to channel them properly, I just feel overwhelmed by it all right now.) I have been on my knees in tears crying uncontrollably over the issues I am dealing with in relation to them, and am struggling to really love them well in the midst of it all.

Yesterday really was the pinnacle of it all. Lauren had to get 4 teeth pulled. Sam was home with strep. Isaiah and Laila were in "rebellion mode." I was dealing with my "project." Laila decides she wants to potty train(I will share more about that in a separate post). My house is so disgustingly dirty from my lack of attention this week that I just wanted to scream!!!! Mixed in with all of the major things were all of these tiny little annoyances that seem way bigger when you are in the midst of the bigger things. Do you ever just feel like, "Can't I just get a break somewhere in this?"

That is where I am. That is why I have been out-of-pocket this week. I have not been on the computer. I have not been answering emails or checking Facebook. As you can tell, that is why I have not been writing on my blog.

I woke up this morning exhausted. My body hurts from all the work I have done this week. I have this runny nose thing coming on. Cody is now home today not feeling well. We have some big traditions coming up this weekend. Rick is home, but we have barely seen each other. His new job starts on Monday. There is so much to do, and my "project" is still not finished.

Their is a silver lining. Rick and I have a date scheduled tonight. I need it. We need it. It will even benefit my kids for us to have it.

I don't even really know how to end this post after dumping all my stuff. I guess I will end it by saying, "pray for me." I kind of need it right now.