I came across this picture today, and it literally took my breath away!
I had an immediate physical response to it. I literally ached inside looking at it. I can't seem to shake that feeling.
That picture was taken on my first Mother's Day with Isaiah and Laila home. Our family was finally complete and whole.
I miss my babies. I miss everything about the baby phase.
Yes, it was hard, it was exhausting, and there were many days where I didn't think I would survive. I don't want to discount any of that.
BUT, I loved it. There was so much joy and delight in it for me.
Taking a totally dependent little baby, loving them, teaching them, watching them grow and learn new things was truly life giving to me.
I don't have regrets about not enjoying that phase. I really did savor the moments. I gave them my all in every way possible. We sacrificed so I could be home with them. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it!
So, here I am now, with my youngest in Kindergarten and my oldest in High School. It is a new dispensation in our house. I am desperately trying to embrace it. To be honest, I am grieving.
They don't view me as they once did, and to be fair, I don't view them the same way either. All of our expectations have changed and we are working through what that will look like for our family.
I knew this day would come. Now, I have to figure out how to navigate through it. I am finding it to be a harder phase for me for many reasons. I will process this more in the days ahead when I am able to articulate it better.
For now, I am asking God to take this ache in my heart and show me how to move forward with these 6 lives He has entrusted to me. It is still my calling, but it has changed.
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate change?????