Tuesday, March 5, 2013

From Chaos to Communion

I woke up today surrounded by drama.  Actually the drama began yesterday.

Cody stayed home from school sick.

We actually had a good afternoon together.  We watched some shows together that he really likes while I made strawberry jam (25 jars of strawberry jam)!  It felt so good to check that off my list.  I was trying to complete that task while strawberries were on sale this week.

I was heading out to do the school pickups when I went to open the garage door(like I do every day).  Well, that was not happening.  The door would open about 3 inches and then go back down.

I started to panic because I needed to pick up the kids, especially Laila.  Her school has a very strict pickup schedule without much grace for being late.  Also, Laila starts crying these huge, silent crocodile tears if I am not the first mom in her room at pickup time.

I called Rick.  We couldn't figure out how to fix the door while on the phone so he headed to pick up Laila.  I called my friend, Jessica, to see if she could bring home the other kids.  I just used the door earlier in the day and it worked fine.

After all of that drama, the final verdict is that the spring broke.  They have to order the part.  It will cost several hundred dollars.  Yippee!!

Our evening continued to be dramatic for so many reasons that I won't go into.  Let's just say, I was glad to see bedtime come.

Today, I woke up kind of hoping for a delayed start of school from the small snowstorm we had the night before.  No such luck.

I proceeded to be bombarded with drama all around me.

~1 sick kid.  What?  It is TCAPs(That is the CO testing).  You can't miss school.  This was more than just a child being sick.  This was an ongoing set of sickness related issues with the same child that is just wearing me thin.  I want to be compassionate.  I want to be loving.  In reality, I am just weary.

~1 kid needing to dress up for school and not being happy about it.  This then results in this kid expressing that frustration in verbal assaults on the rest of us.

~2 kids that are fighting all morning.  One is driving the other absolutely crazy.  A person can only take so much.  So, the second kid goes postal.

~1 kid that cannot find shoes.  You see, this is a frustrating thing because this happens almost every morning with this kid.  I have a system.  This kid does not use this system.  The result,  frustration for both the kid and me.

~I discover that one kid has once again hidden clean laundry in the bottom of the closet to keep from the work of hanging it up.  There is more to this story than just laundry undone.  It is about deception, hiding and lying that is an ongoing issue.

Well that pretty much covers all 6 kids.  By the time I sat down in my truck seat to leave.  Oh, I need to mention that I normally park my truck in the garage.  Since the door is broken, it was parked outside.  The temperature was 14 degrees and the windows were covered in ice.  Not an earth shattering problem, but just ONE MORE THING to deplete me.

On top of all of this, I have been battling with some drama in my own mind.  That are some ongoing battles that I struggle with.  They have been unusually strong over the last couple of weeks.  I also have some ongoing hurt and wounding that I am still processing and working through.  That has been a point of struggle for me over the last several days as well.

As part of Lent, Lauren read our next devotional from this booklet.  It has been a good little reading for us to do together each morning to put our focus where it should be for the day.  We aren't even on the right day for where we should be, but I believe God had this reading for me this day.  Here is what it said:

I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me.  Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life.  You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted.  But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world.  Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.
Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings.  Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing withe Me.  A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day.  Do not let your to-do list(written or mental) become an idol directing your life.  Instead, ask My Spirit to guide you moment by moment.  He will keep you close to Me.
~40 Days with Jesus by Sarah Young

Yes sir, Jesus, sir!  (said with my hand saluting).  I miss the point so often.  I have been frustrated that all of these things are distracting me from my "time with Jesus" especially during this time of Lent.  I have been mad at times that I am not getting that "sacred time" with Him that I am so craving and desiring.  This morning the drama was consuming me and it would have been really easy to blame all of my kids for keeping me from Jesus.   You know what, He wants me to be able to seek Him in the midst of it all.  To see Him in the midst of it all.  To see Him despite of it all.  

Usually when we read our devotional, I ask them questions about how they can apply it to their day.  Not today, I had to humbly admit to them why I needed to hear this lesson and how I was going to adjust my attitude according to what it said.  

It is easy to commune with God when we are all alone and have no distractions.  That doesn't take maturity.  It takes maturity to commune with Him when everything is unraveling all around me.  It is in those moments that He has the most to say and the most to teach.

So, today I CHOOSE(and I do believe it is a choice) to commune in the chaos.  


  1. Tears streaming....I guess I needed to hear that today, too!

  2. I needed it too. Thank you for your vulnerability Laura.

  3. oh my i LOVE that. so much. thanks for sharing it with us.